A Reflected Journey

As I moved to Idaho, I stopped at various National Parks along the way. I captivated the beauty of the landscape and wildlife with hopes to create something impactful in the future. I have now written personal narratives that align with how I felt the image taken before beginning my graduate school journey was foretelling of my time in graduate school at McCall Field Campus.

A Path Set Before Me

My MOSS journey was path designed by God abruptly laid before me. Throughout my 10.5 months, I had to maintain the strength to put one foot in front of the other. Turning back was not an option, but moving forward and facing the unknown was encouraged. Pausing - finding a stillness in the movement – was necessary periodically. But eventually, movement would return.

Unknowns laid around each corner. The first being my arriving at McCall, Idaho. A place to live but unsure if it would be much of a home. I unloaded the car alone, shuffling all my belongings into drawers. Quickly, unknowns began to fill each step. Stumbling upon unfamiliar people that filled the other seats within my graduate program. Excitement and fear churned in my chest, realizing this place would be a different experience than anything else I had faced before.

The first weeks were filled with steps that inched me forward. Doubt filled my mind, unsure if this place would benefit me at all. As a month passed by, I became more aware of my surroundings and the people who consistently buzzed around me. My stride extended but my pace was still slow. I longed for my home and people back in Tennessee. The people and community were different, and I realized the importance of the culture I was made up of. I often felt myself looking back but recognized my hips couldn’t pivot in the direction I wished to flee towards.

 As weeks turned to months, my movement became variable. Some experiences would inspire a brisk walk that would allow my mind to ease from anxiety. Successfully teaching an aquatic lesson to excited 12-year-olds would establish confidence and serve as a reminder as to why I persist. Other experiences would stop my in my tracks and force me to sit down. Struggling to establish myself into a community surrounded by people I didn’t understand with a foundation of values that were no longer mirrored caused a part of me to grieve the blessings I had taken for granted.

Trips home paused my movement along the path and slowed the forward movement I would take once I returned. However, coming into my second and final semester my pace began to find steadiness. Recognizing I had developed an understanding of the people that surrounded me and a feeling that I had established a seat within the community allowed my shoulders to drop from my ears. Pattern recognition allowed me to detect when new unknowns would come around the corner, where my pace might slow but the urge to look back occurred less. Development of lifelong friendships renewed my spirit allowing me to crack a smile as I enjoyed the view of the remaining path that lied before me.

I don’t think at any point I ran down the path of my graduate school journey, but as I reached the end, I didn’t find myself looking back anymore. Obtaining a job that would return me to the culture and values I long for carried me forward, knowing that soon I would load the car once again and find myself along a new path. Satisfaction is a feeling I was worried I would never feel about my time in McCall. As I am near the end of this path, however, I feel a deep sense of gratitude and appreciation for this place. Satisfaction rooted in the experiences that I enjoyed and those that I cried through has put me exactly where God intended my journey to go.

Newness of Life

My time at MOSS was filled with newness. A new living style with new people. A new ecosystem to develop an understanding of. New teaching and learning styles with a new style of expectations that I was unfamiliar with. Within this season of newness, I developed an ability to adapt and understand - like a bison calf learning to navigate the new world he faces.

Classes rooted in focuses that I lack familiarity with pushed me to be fully engaged with what I was being taught. I have a deep interest in studying the natural world, but developing a personal philosophy of what education is to me was new and foreign. Rotating through a class cycle filled with topics that came naturally to me to topics that had new concepts with new styles of teaching was a new frustration. Through all of this, a determination to persist and excel was never lost.

While navigating this new environment, I obtained a new quiver of skillsets that I will be able to take with me when I leave this place. Sharpening the tools I brought with me while making room for new tools that I will carry with me into the future is amongst one of my outcomes of this program.

As I prepare for a new season of life after this step in my education, I reflect on how all I settled into the new things and was able to successfully persist within the environment I landed in. Not only did I persist, but I was molded by my experiences and will be able to take the impacts of my program forward with me. I learned things about myself and about the future I wanted had I not been in this place. Newness is a gift, and not often is it given.

Falling Into Place

The community at the McCall Field Campus is unique. The dynamic of the community changes each year, as a new group of students come together. Each person has a unique life journey, familial culture, and personal interests and values. This year’s cohort created a beautiful mosaic – one never seen before and never will be seen again. This community would become the biggest challenge I would face at MOSS, providing the biggest opportunity of personal growth and understanding because of this.

As a child, I was a talented athlete that played on teams that were made up of girls that lived across the state of Tennessee. When I went to college, I moved to a new region of the state from my hometown. During my time at the University of Tennessee at Martin, I lived with and befriended people from across the Southeast and East Coast of the U.S. On top of this, I have lived in various states for summer internships that were comprised of living and working with people that were from these same regions. These experiences were not challenging and introduced me to new and different walks of life within people that I now treasure as important people in my life. These experiences instilled personal confidence that moving across the country wouldn’t be much different when I came to Idaho. I was wrong.

I felt like a foreign rock that was dropped on a lake shore. A limestone rock on a basalt shore - a rock that didn’t belong. It took months to find my footing. The community was made up of amazing people, and I didn’t understand my personal disconnect to this place that other people didn’t seem to struggle with. I had truly never been in this situation before. However, I did fall into place. The struggle was an experience that allowed me to recognize the value in the culture and values of the people I was once submerged in back in the South. Without this experience, I wouldn’t have realized the importance of what mattered so much to me. More than this, I wouldn’t have recognized the value of being a part of such a unique, blend of people.

Unique Ecosystems

Yellowstone National Park is an ecosystem that is unlike anywhere else in the world. Where a view of bison, steaming in the early hours of a cool summer morning, is now common after an unbelievably resilient recovery. The bison at Yellowstone reached a low of 25 individuals in the 1900’s. A captive breeding program, combined with anti-poaching efforts, allowed the population to recover and individuals to be released back into the wild. Now, Yellowstone is home to a population greater than 5,000.

The career field of Natural Resources is currently shaken, facing a multitude of political and economic challenges that are causing uncertainty about what the future may look like. McCall Outdoor Science School is not exempt from these challenges. However, the recognition of the unique experiences that this program provides graduate students pushes the program to remain resilient. This program provides academic, personal, and professional development unlike any other.

An important element of this that has proven to be of value, time and time again, is the in-the-field experience that graduate students obtain while teaching place-based outdoor education programs to K-12 students. This element allowed me to create and develop my teaching craft in a special, meaningful way. On top of this, in-depth, personalized classroom instruction allowed me to learn new things that challenged my current knowledge and build new skills that will benefit my professional career after I leave this place. The hard work and effort that pushes this program to exist in the current state of uncertainty that consumes the current workforce is comparable to the management and efforts taken to keep ecosystems, such as Yellowstone, to remain.

Returning to My Blossom

All four seasons can be experienced in Idaho. The weather I experienced in Idaho seemed familiar, at first. Arriving in the summer with excitement and falling into routine in my new life as fall settled in. Hardship occurred once winter arrived. Winter brought consistently low temperatures, inches of snow falling at a time, and a deep snowpack that covered the ground and walking paths for months. This was unfamiliar and impactful. Moments of joy occurred when exploring the newness of the winter environment through science, teaching, and attempting winter sports. However, after a few months, seasonal depression combined with some of life’s hardest moments hit me like a freight train.

I had never encountered seasonal depression. The loss of daylight hours with the lack of color that I missed so much took a tole on my mind. The stress of finding a job and going through personal hardships made getting out of bed hard and daily activities became nothing more than trying to get through the day. However, spring was coming.

I was worried that spring wouldn’t change anything. I was scared something in my brain had changed and the switch would be harder to flip back to what was my normal self. As spring break creeped closer, my struggles worsened. My hope was knowing that I was flying home for break to spend much needed time with my family. As soon as I returned home, I felt myself blossom back to my normal self. A relief, knowing that I persevered through the hardships of winter and would return to school with fresh, pretty petals. Time with my family and friends pushed my roots deeper into my foundation of who I am and allowed me to return to school as a strong, supported flower. As my time at school is near the last of the four seasons I would experience in Idaho, I am happy to be a beautiful flower that reminds me that no matter what I endure, I will return to my normal self, eventually.